| According to Han, "He's a card player, gambler, scoundrel.You'd like him." | 92 |
| According to Kin Hubbard, it's "like life insurance: the older you get, the more it costs" | 104 |
| According to legend, at age 2 he identified a pig's squeal as G sharp | 73 |
| According to legend, he spent decades in his mother's womb and emerged with a gray beard | 92 |
| According to legend, its continued presence on Gibraltar allows the British to retain control thereof | 101 |
| According to Oscar Levant, it's "the lowest form of humor--when you don't think of it first" | 110 |
| Achieves a rare baseball feat, delineated by part of each long puzzle answer | 76 |
| Acidity or alkalinity measurement, which is literally 8 for this puzzle's four longest answers | 98 |
| Acme product for unsuspecting rabbits to swallow (comes with magnet), from "Compressed Hare," 1961 | 108 |
| Acme product intended for recreational use (not for dropping bombs on roadrunners), from "Zipping Along," 1953 | 120 |
| Acme product that coyotes shouldn't be seen using (so to speak), from "War & Pieces," 1964 | 108 |
| Acme product that doesn't require snow (or brains), making it perfect for certain coyotes, from "Lickety Splat," 1961 | 131 |
| Acme product that simplifies dating, from "Boston Quackie," 1957 | 74 |
| Acme vehicle made for those who are a bit "unbalanced" (like coyotes), from "Hot Rod & Reel," 1959 | 122 |
| Acme weapon that makes you feel like a kid again (literally), from "Mad as a Mars Hare," 1963 | 103 |
| Acquisition of "substantially identical" stocks or securities within 30 days of trading at a loss | 107 |
| Acronym for aircraft that can depart from short runways (anagram of VOLTS) | 74 |
| Action hero's garb, and what each first word in this puzzle's four longest answers is | 93 |
| Active Ecuadorean volcano whose name means "Smooth neck of the moon" | 78 |
| Activist who said "You can kill a man but you can't kill an idea" | 79 |
| Activity that in five years you're going to be embarrassed you were so into today | 85 |
| Actor Butterfield who will play Ender in the forthcoming "Ender's Game" | 85 |
| Actor currently playing Tevye on Broadway in "Fiddler on the Roof" | 76 |
| Actor Dane who plays "Dr. McSteamy" on "Grey's Anatomy" | 79 |
| Actor Fogler who won a Tony for "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee" | 86 |
| Actor in both "Shane," 1953, and "City Slickers," 1991 | 74 |
| Actor Mahershalalhashbaz ___ of "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" | 79 |
| Actor Nick who was #1 on VH1's "40 Most Shocking Celebrity Mugshots" | 82 |
| Actor originally slated to play Michael Corleone in "The Godfather" | 77 |
| Actor Ostrum who played Charlie Bucket in "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory" | 93 |
| Actor Ruck who played Cameron in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" | 73 |
| Actor who announced in December that he was leaving "Grey's Anatomy" | 82 |
| Actor who delivered the line "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in" | 92 |
| Actor who had to wait 41 years from his first Oscar nomination to his first win | 79 |
| Actor who played a coin-flipping killer in the 1932 movie "Scarface" | 78 |
| Actor who played Hamlet in a 1964 production deliberately staged to look like a rehearsal | 89 |
| Actor who presented at the 1973 Oscars while a streaker ran past on camera | 74 |
| Actor who said "I'll make him an offer he can't refuse" | 73 |
| Actor who said "Some people have youth, some have beauty—I have menace" | 85 |
| Actor who spoke the line, "I'd show him who was king of the forest!" | 82 |
| Actor who supposedly "destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise" | 113 |
| Actor who turned down the role of Dr. Shepherd on "Grey's Anatomy" | 80 |
| Actor who won Emmys for playing the same character on two different shows | 73 |
| Actor whose character said "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" | 87 |
| Actor whose character thought he was God in "The Ruling Class" | 72 |
| Actor whose debut film was "The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming!" | 88 |
| Actor with the memoir "Things I've Said, But Probably Shouldn't Have" | 87 |
| Actor with three quotes on AFI's "100 Years ... 100 Movies" list | 78 |
| Actor/public speaker who often began "Unaccustomed as I am to speaking ..." | 85 |
| Actress Allen who won a Tony for "And Miss Reardon Drinks a Little" | 77 |
| Actress Anderson who said: "Natural beauty takes at least two hours in front of a mirror" | 99 |
| Actress Beulah who played James Stewart's mother in "It's A Wonderful Life" | 93 |
| Actress Beverly who played Patsy Cline in "Coal Miner's Daughter" | 79 |
| Actress de Matteo who moved from "The Sopranos" to "Joey" | 77 |
| Actress in "Dracula's Daughter" and "The Invisible Man Returns" | 87 |
| Actress Jessica wrongly criticized by Bill O'Reilly for saying Sweden was neutral in WWII | 93 |
| Actress Kate recently voted "most desirable body" in a Daily Mail poll | 80 |
| Actress Keanan of "My Two Dads" (who now spells her name with a Y, apparently) | 88 |
| Actress Lanchester who played Jessica Marbles in "Murder by Death" | 76 |
| Actress Long who still isn't married, which is a situation I'm keeping an eye on | 88 |
| Actress Loretta who starred in the "Cagney & Lacey" television pilot | 82 |
| Actress Manheim who wrote the 1995 play "Wake Up, I'm Fat" | 72 |
| Actress Martha who played Sinatra's love interest in "Some Came Running" | 86 |
| Actress McDaniel who was the first African-American to win an Academy Award | 75 |
| Actress Polo who played a presidential candidate's wife on "The West Wing" | 88 |
| Actress Seydoux of the 2013 Palme d'Or winner "Blue Is the Warmest Color" | 87 |
| Actress Strong whose character narrates "Desperate Housewives" | 72 |
| Actress Thurman, after joining the "More Than a Feeling" band? | 72 |
| Actress Torpey who was on "One Life to Live" for over a decade | 72 |
| Actress Veronica who was the model in the last cigarette ad shown on U.S. TV | 76 |
| Actress who accidentally flashed her breast augmentation scar to paparazzi | 74 |
| Actress who famously said, "Acting is the perfect idiot's profession" | 83 |
| Actress who had the Tomlin role in the sitcom version of "9 to 5" | 75 |
| Actress who played Edna Garrett on "Diff'rent Strokes" and "The Facts of Life" | 102 |
| Actress who played Natasha in "The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle" | 80 |
| Actress who said "Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before" | 90 |
| Actress Wright of Hitchcock's "Shadow of a Doubt" and Coppola's "The Rainmaker" | 107 |
| Actress/cartoonist roomies' mailbox label that sounds like an airport employee? | 83 |
| Actress/comic roomies' mailbox label that sounds like an auto safety feature? | 81 |
| Actress/singer Helen with the CD "Crossword" (the title track starts "I found my true love today doing the crossword on the back of the 6 train") | 165 |
| Actual protest activity for tax-and-spend opponents that sets the tone for this puzzle's theme | 98 |
| Actual title of the 1979 #1 hit known as "The Piña Colada Song" | 76 |
| Ad slogan that explains why a Simpson kid is missing part of his candy bar? | 75 |
| Adam Sandler cringefest that topped many "Worst Movie of 2011" lists | 78 |
| Add vertical line 1 (word 1) and vertical line 15 (word 3) and enter the answer to the resulting clue on this line | 114 |
| Add vertical line 13 (word 3) and vertical line 3 (word 1) together and enter the answer to the resulting clue on this line | 123 |
| Add vertical line 15 (word 1) and vertical line 1 (word 3) and enter the answer to the resulting clue on this line | 114 |
| Add vertical line 9 (word 2) and vertical line 7 (word 2) and enter the answer to the resulting clue on this line | 113 |
| Adhering to Strunk and White's advice "Omit needless words" | 73 |
| Adjective for the man who shirtlessly plays "Careless Whisper" on his saxophone in malls and grocery stores | 117 |
| Admonishment to someone eating off your plate at a Polynesian restaurant? | 73 |
| Adopted last name of singer Anita Colton (it's pig Latin for what she hoped to make) | 88 |
| Advice during a solar eclipse (and a homophonic hint to uncovering this puzzle's secret image) | 98 |
| Advice for the brokenhearted ... or one of four arrangements found literally in this puzzle | 91 |
| Advice like "Don't fly so low you crash into the Death Star"? | 75 |
| Advice to a young Schwarzenegger: "If you want to succceed, ___!" | 75 |
| Adviser once described as "a cross between Henry Kissinger and Minnie Mouse" | 86 |
| Aerosmith studio album whose back-to-front text can be read with a looking glass | 80 |
| Aerosmith video in which Alicia Silverstone's middle finger was blurred by MTV | 82 |
| African American mathemetician who purportedly surveyed the District of Columbia | 80 |